For the last 5 or 6 years, we have had an artificial Christmas tree at our house. It is a nice tree, very realistic with wire branches that you can fashion how you want and fake pine needles that don't end up all over the floor.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I had a long discussion after she announced that she wanted "a real tree this year". Why I asked? We have a perfectly good one in the loft, and getting a real one would cost money we could spend on other festivities. "They look nicer, and they smell nice". Long story short, I eventually relented and she went off to the local garden centre.
A couple of hours later, I was unloading a 6 footer from the car, along with a metal base to hold it in. Even at a glance I could see that the monster trunk this tree had would NEVER fit in the metal tube on the base. My wife argued that it would, so I spent 5 pointless minutes proving it wouldn't by trying to ram the huge knotted bulbous trunk-bottom into the tiny metal opening.
So, she went back to the garden centre the following day and bought a larger sized metal holder. Sadly this was to be about an inch too small as well.
I spent a frustrating hour hacking away at this poor tree with a saw and chisel, until the trunk eventually fit into the holder. It wasn't quite vertical, but it would do.
And you know what, I had to admit it looked alright. Not huge amounts better than the artificial tree, but a little. Over the next few days, I would also comment on the smell - it did indeed have a festive fragrance about it.
That was 2 weeks ago.
Now, our house is rather hot. My wife and kids like living in a sauna. It turns out that real Christmas trees without roots - they don't appreciate it so much. I came home from work last Wednesday (the 22nd), and looked at the now very listless, droopy and slightly yellow tree. I then looked over at my wife sitting on the couch.
Without even glancing up from her magazine she said "Before the guests come over on the holidays, can you just nip up into the loft and get the old tree. I'll need to take that one down and use the artificial one."
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! 
